I am blessed.

Hi Milla.

It's Mom.

As I type this you're lying on your play gym - blending in with the garish colours, because of the brightly coloured babygro (Carter's - courtesy of Gogo Hil) that I love so much I put you in it whenever it's freshly laundered - and having an absolute whale of a time playing by yourself.

As I type this, I'm looking back on today: my nicest day in three weeks. Three dark, twisty weeks.

As I type this, I'm feeling blessed. And what better reason is there to grab my laptop and have you bomble about - in your new language and with your newly discovered digits - in the background, than that?

Now, the blessings:

1. I am blessed because you sleep. 

Like your Dad, you're a night sleeper. (Okay, he's a day sleeper too, but so what?) You sleep, like a dream, from 7pm or 8pm when we put you down (and sometimes even when you put yourself to sleep; see previous post) to 5am or 6am, when I hear you chattering, sneezing or squeaking over the monitor.

That's 10 (ten) hours. That's a lot of sleep. And that means that Mom and Dad get their fair share of sleep too. You're a blessing. You truly are. Now all I need to do is get to bed around 8.30pm - ha ha.

2. I am blessed because you very seldom, if ever, wake up screaming. 

Chattering, squeaking, sometimes gentle squawking. These are your cues to be collected, greeted enthusiastically and fed. And you sometimes even eat and go back to sleep for a bit. Lucky mommy.

3. I am blessed to live in South Africa.

A country that mostly scares me, often frustrates me and seldom comforts me - but makes it possible for me to have the domestic help I need to a) get well, b) go back to work (supposedly tomorrow, but let's not talk about that, shall we?), and c) grab the small gaps in the week that enable me to be well-groomed and (potentially, but not yet) averagely fit and moderately toned. Not to mention d) have a clean house.

Today, Thursday, 'Granny Nanny' (Gogo and John's helper) spent the day here with me. Largely, to babysit me. But also, to babysit you. So I could do a bit o' work, do a bit o' PND healing and let go just a little.

What a treat. In addition to being a wise woman, she's a wonderful woman. I loved every minute of our intermittent chats and I adored the whole hour we spent in deep conversation, while you slept - and very cutely snored.

And, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, we have Laurancia. Our own lovely, lovely helper. Who, with me, is learning about early childcare, and finding her feet in looking after little you so I can work.

May you grow up to recognise your blessings easily, and often.

I love you.

Mom x

Milestones...

Hi Milla.

It's Mom.

You know, it seems you're milestoning every single day, angel. And every day I feel compelled to record, for the one and a half people who are reading this, what you're up to. I also don't want to forget. (And, considering that I am a basket case - but not for long, promise - remembering is important.)

So, the milestone/s.

Well, last week we spent two nights having sleepovers at Yiayia's house, cos Dad was working nights. That's a milestone for me - the taking-you-out-for-a-sleepover part. But there's more... You discovered a few things and I discovered a few things. Here, for the record, is a shortlist of both:

You discovered:

• That if you lie on Yiayia's black carpet and look at the coffee table, there's a baby looking back at you. Yes, you discovered mirrors! Cutest.
• That there's a special white frilly bassinet at Yiayia's house, just for you, and that you like to lie in it and bat the blue mobile Vera bought you.
• That there's such a creature as Gucci ('Mommy'th Boy'), and that he likes to stare at you, lick you, leap up towards you (but not on you, cos he's closely monitored), and sometimes bark at you.
• That you could put yourself to sleep.

I discovered:

• That I could physically bring myself to take you out of the house for a whole, whole night.
• That there's something deeply comforting about Yiayia's house, where I once lived. And worked.
• That two glasses of wine and a silly movie (Mr & Mrs Smith) make for a very happy space.
• That you can put yourself to sleep.

This last one is a biggie. I don't know what possessed me to try it but, after your 7pm feed, I took you to Yiayia's room, dimmed the chandelier (yes, really), swaddled you, gave you a kiss and simply plonked you into the white frilly bassinet. Then, I left the room. I wasn't holding out much hope that this would yield sleep on your part, but I did it anyway. And, each time Yiayia and I ventured towards the doorway to check on you (which we did about 300 times over the next half hour), you were playing with your hands, sucking your thumb or gurgling very quietly to yourself, and you were very happy. Shortly, you were asleep - and you slept til 6am! You can't imagine the extent of my pride and delight. I love you.

And just because I can, let me say this again: You're the greatest baby in the world. I love you.

Mom x

So clever!

Hi Milla.

It's Mom.

There have been so many times over the last few days or so that I've ITCHED to blog to you. Because you've done so many things over the last few days or so that are noteworthy, and I have this unbelievable need to record them somehow... Here are a few:

1. Real, proper, determined thumb-sucking. So much so that when I went into your room yesterday morning, at the very civilised hour of 6.45am, to get you, you more or less ignored me and carried on with your thumb. Ca-yoot!

2. Real, proper reaching for things. Tonight, when I changed your nappy, you grabbed the cool recycled bells-and-little-funny-toys-thingy we got from our baby massage classes and really held onto it, making it ring all by yourself.

3. Real, proper conversations. The other day, in the car, we had our very first ever gurgle-and-respond, mom-and-baba, back-and-forth conversation. It was amazing. So purposeful, and so cool. Dad was so busy watching us in the rearview baby mirror he could barely drive the car. But that's a bad joke, cos he recently couldn't drive the car, as it happens, and had a close encounter with a large wooden stake...

4. Real, proper laughing. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen and heard. You are exceptional. And I love you, my beautiful, clever, genius, smiley, gurgly, pretty girl. You are my joy.

Mom x

Hello again.

Hi Milla.

This is Mom.

It's been a while. To be honest, Mom has been in a bit of a hole for the last few weeks. I'm coming out of it now, thanks to you, your spectacular father and some very good medication/medical intervention, but I feel that you deserve a short update on some of the things you've recently started doing that I love more than words can say.

Milestone-wise, you're doing so brilliantly. Smiling, laughing, reaching for things. Every day brings some new discovery of what your hands, feet, face or fingers can achieve and Dad and I love watching it become regular. Like, yesterday was the day you learned to get your hands to your mouth and suck on your fingers.

On purpose. Not just by accident.

And sometimes you even got your thumb in. Now, I planned to be one of those moms who disallowed thumb-sucking (probably because your Dad sucked his til he was about 14 and your Yiayia still occasionally 'thucks' hers at 61), but it's so damn cute that I can't possibly stop you. And, I can't possibly stop you. You're too determined.

I love you, my baby girl. Madly.

May you continue to learn things in your own time and on your own schedule - but still be a complete, utter, unbelievable genius :) Thanks.

Love Mom x